CHAPTER 18

It was weird; for a moment we were just kissing, then suddenly we had plunged into this wild, freakishly passionate whirl of bare skin and torn clothes. My head was spinning and my eyes were watering. I couldn’t tell when we were together, and when we were apart. The constant pressure on my body made me ache, and the way he seemed to do everything all at once…over and over again. And sometimes it hurt. Sometimes I had to bite my lip. Sometimes I couldn’t help but scream. Those times he would stop – just for a moment – and run his fingers in tiny circles on my back, until he felt my muscles relax again. Then the pain would come again, slowly. It had never hurt before, but now, I thought, if this is how I die, could I have picked a better way?
I lost track of time: we seemed to go on forever. I loved him then, more than ever.
When we were finally finished, we lay together, breathing heavily. Our bodies glistened with sweat in the silvery moonlight that shone through the open window. I felt like laughing and crying; screaming and dancing, all at the same time. But I was way too tired to dance, so I had to make do with giggling breathily. Stupid really, but then, that’s just me.
We were oddly silent for a while. No matter how hard I scrutinized his face, I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. Whilst my mind was frantic with thoughts, he seemed strangely quiet. I couldn’t take this much longer…time for a stupid comment.
“Promise you won’t forget me.”
“What?” Ville stared at me, as if seeing me for the first time.
“If you meet someone else, whilst you’re away, promise you won’t…forget me.” My voice sounded choked.
“Is that what’s been upsetting you?” he asked gently. “You were worried I would meet someone else and forget about you?”
I nodded, and blushed.
“No chance,” he grinned. “You’re my little weirdo. I could never love anyone but you.”
Despite how desperate I was to believe him, I was sure that couldn’t possibly be true. “I’ll miss you.”
“I know. Me too.” He smiled and kissed me softly. Noooo don’t go!! I squeezed him tightly. He struggled.
“You’re going nowhere,” I teased.
“You’re…crushing me…”
“Oh,” I loosened my grip. “Sorry.”
There was another short pause, until he said, “we should get some sleep. We have to be up early tomorrow.”
“Can I drive you to the airport?” I asked hopefully.
“Of course, the others are getting a cab, so it’ll just be us two.”
I always liked the sound of that.

I awoke bleary eyed and dazed the next morning. I had this funny feeling in my stomach that wouldn’t go away. It wasn’t like nerves, or anything, it was just…there. My legs hurt too, but I knew the reason for that. It truly is fascinating to learn how many positions you are capable of bending in to.
Shut up Ruby, my inner voice snapped, there’s a time and a place! I slapped the side of my head, which hurt. Well duh.
“What are you doing?”
I looked up sleepily. Ville was already dressed. Was he desperate to leave or something? “Do I have to get up now?” I mumbled.
“Afraid so.” He smiled encouragingly. “Come on.” He helped me up, and kind of helped me get dressed.
We didn’t bother with breakfast, as Ville said we could get something at the airport. I was more led to believe that he didn’t want to have to stomach my banana smoothie thing again.
I got to drive today. Yay. I hadn’t driven myself for a while, and the feeling inside me was beginning to resurface.
“Are you OK?” Ville asked quietly. “You look like you’re gonna be sick.”
“I’m fine,” I lied. “Just…emotional.”
He stoked my back gently. Oh why did he have to leave? Why?!

We made it to the airport in good time – we still had an hour or so before his plane was due to leave. Despite what he had said, we still didn’t bother with breakfast. We sat together, with our arms around each other…waiting.
“What time are the others due to get here?” I asked, feeling I should make conversation.
Ville exhaled slowly. “Hmm, about half an hour’s time, maybe?”
“Uh huh.” I nodded. The seconds ticked by agonisingly slowly. Oh dear God what had I done now? Maybe I should do something. I could touch him, but for some reason I was suddenly afraid to. This was our last hour together and we were just sitting here…not even speaking! Any other guy would be all like: “omigod Roo, I’m so sorry I can’t stay. I’ll bring you back something really expensive.” Well, actually, any other guy wouldn’t have dated me in the first place. And I probably wouldn’t have wanted them to bring me back something really expensive. No. Now I came to think about it, all I really wanted was Ville to tell me – just once, before he left – that he loved me. I wanted to know. I wanted to be loved by the man of my dreams. I opened my mouth to speak. He glanced at me, so I closed it. I couldn’t tell him what I was feeling right now.
“Ruby,” Ville said slowly. “I want you to know something.”
Ooh am I really that good? Can I predict the future? Wow! No, now shut up and listen. “What is it?”
“I…I don’t really know how to tell you.”
“O…K.” So he wants me to know something he can’t tell me.
“It’s just that…I…we…it’s just that…if you…” he trailed off. “I don’t know.”
I wasn’t really sure what to say. “Well, erm…” Why did I have this really strong urge to poke him with something? I wanted to see what he did.
“You can call me whenever you want, OK?” he said.
“Uh huh.” Can I poke you now?
“You don’t seem…normal.” Oh thanks. Right, that’s it. I had finally had enough of just sitting still and waiting for what I wanted, which was clearly not going to happen. So I was going to make it happen.